Kiora's Big Fat Tentacles

Do you want to get BIG? Feeling like your deck is... inadequate? Wanna FLEX on your opponent with your SWOLE creatures and MASSIVE X-spells? Well look no further! TRY OUT THIS ONE SIMPLE DECK and have all around you marvel at the sheer GIRTH of your spells. More sexual innuendo jokes to come!

There's plenty of cool ways to build Kiora, but this one goes out for all the Timmies of the world. And that's what we are doing here today! Get ready for this balls-to-the-wall, jam every ramp and x-cost spell onto the board and make your opponent marvel at the size of your lads. This deck is extremely straightforward and ABSOLUTELY a slave to its 'archetype' of HUGENESS.

SO. MUCH. RAMP:

This deck is basically one-half ramp, one-half big payoffs, and one-quarter some other stuff to smooth it out. That's right, this deck will give you 125% return on investment every time if you believe hard enough! To begin we must make sure we have more mana than we can deal with. I jammed almost every ramp spell I was allowed in here, starting with the classic brokengreen package of Arboreal Grazer, Gilder Goose, Leafkin Druid Incubation Druid, and Paradise Druid. Since we are in Simic, I figured why not just throw in Maraleaf Pixie and Gyre Engineer as well, and with six of our creatures tapping for mana my unreasonable ass decided that Leyline of Abundance would be playable. It's kinda not, but honestly you don't need to mulligan aggressively for this, as we will most likely have the mana to hard cast it eventually anyways. For mana rocks we have the obvious Arcane Signet, but also Midnight Clock to allow us to go into the very late game and another mana sink and Firemind's Vessel for its potential to provide us with 4 mana if untapped. I also added a Gift of Paradise and New Horizons because we cannot ever have enough mana.

The X-Cost Spells:

Once you've eaten your greens and setup your ramp on the board, it's time to get SWOLE. And for that we have the swolliest spells currently in standard: the X-costs. Stonecoil Serpent is the simplest and easiest to cast of our creatures of varying size, but its reach, trample, and protection from multicolored should not be ignored as it proves to be a very powerful and somewhat underplayed creature in the format. We have the triple hydra setup, with everyone's favorite Hydroid Krasis here to keep us going in life and card advantage, Voracious Hydra to either remove a creature or flex on our opponents with hugeness, and the brawl-only Steelbane Hydra to take care of those pesky enchantments and mana rocks. Mass Manipulation is one of our best haymakers, as it will usually be taking at least 3 (but possibly MANY more) creatures or planeswalkers our opponent has on board. The finales are honestly just hilarious, and casting either for 10 will either win the game for you on the spot or set you up to finish things off quite quickly in the next few turns.

The Big Boys:

Bigness doesn't have to be attached to how much mana we spend on our creatures, so here are the spells that were born big and beautiful. Thunderous Snapper is a solid body with big upside as we can cast a HUGE amount of our deck for 5 or more. Bioessence Hydra is an absolute beast with our commander and the two other planeswalkers we run, it will be at least a 10/10 trampler most of the time we play it. Faerie Formation, once again a brawl special, is one of the strongest mana sinks we can add into the deck, drawing us cards and filling the board with obnoxious peckers. Cavalier of Thorns and Cavalier of Gales are just absolute units in any format, and different from a lot of decks they aren't even close to the biggest stuff this deck has to play. Nissa, Who Shakes the World is oppressive and broken, and if we get it on the board, whoo boy our mana capabilities will shoot through the roof! Gargos, Vicious Watcher sees play in this deck because we have 4 hydras, and our big dudes could use a little bit of protection in the form of revenge-fighting the opponent's board. Agent of Treachery is still one of the best cards in standard right now, and it is no different here, stealing any permanent is one of the best swing turns we can get. Rounding off we have Thorn Mammoth to keep fighting the board until opponents have nothign left and The Great Henge, because this deck is great and our creatures can always be bigger. ALWAYS.

Who needs consistency?

Apparently, we do. In my first attempt at building this deck these cards felt like "thinking too small", but I got my ass beat too much and was forced to reconsider. Repudiate // Replicate is a funny trick, but the real reason it's here is to copy our enormous boys with the Repudiate // Replicate side, and Spark Double does the same while also doing fantastic planeswalker impressions and generating some real broken interactions. Bond of Flourishing is here to just round out some consistency for the deck, as I have found myself at many times with either only the ramp side or the payoff side of this deck in my hand. Frilled Mystic is still the best counterspell in Brawl in my opinion for the tempo gain you can get in a single turn, and with so much mana available the opponent might not suspect that our untapped mana isn't simply because we don't have more spells to cast. Finally, we have Mu Yanling, Sky Dancer after the recent Oko ban to Arena Brawl. This card will allow us to stay alive and give us some nice beeft defenders. It has some mild synergy with our commander if you get the emblem, and goes well with Bioessence Hydra

Lands:

Oh yeah baby, the worst part of every deck I build: the lands! This deck is the best deck to make use of Lotus Field, as it can be used for 3 mana immediately if Kiora is on the board and later on can be tap-untapped for a total of 6. ONE LAND. SIX MANA. Castle Garenbrig does the same, but needs a 4 mana investment to get started, yet with the untap potential we can extract a total of 8 green mana from it if necessary. Castle Vantres, Blast Zone, and Karn's Bastions are all synergistic mana sinks with our deck, giving us ability to fix our draws, remove pesky permanents, and buff our dudes and planeswalkers, respectively. Interplanar Beacon works quite well in a deck where we'll be playing Kiora and our opponents will most likely try to kill her, and Mystic Sanctuary actually does a bit of work in this deck with our powerful enormous X-cost sorceries.

Now go out, my swole friends. Go out and cultivate mass to FLEX on our opponents.