Kaya Runs a Church-Bank

Do you hate your friends? Do you subscribe to the idea of magic as a zero-sum-fun game? Do you want to win matches by concession? Then step right in to the Orzhov Church-Bank, and scam your opponents out of all of the fun that Magic: The Gathering has to offer! This is Death and Taxes, in Brawl!

To celebrate Brawl Wednesday^TM, we are making a deck that's all about not letting our opponent's play at all. See, Magic is a game in which a limited amount of fun can be had. That fun is split between you and your opponent, being at perfect equilibrium at the start of the game. By forcing our opponents to do things they do not want to do, we are shifting that balance of fun towards us! Once our opponent is no longer having any fun with the game, that means we are having all of it! And we should count that as a victory, because you can't expect to actually win many games with this deck.

The Death:

This deck is all about killing things. We kill the creatures that threaten us quickly and our opponents slowly, so we can savor every moment. How do we do that?

Unreasonable Force:

These are the cards that will keep us alive, or at least keep the huge threats from killing us too quickly. Despark is an amazing trade in mana value in this format, as everyone and their mother is just playing the greediest lists they can think of. Consecrate // Consume can help us deal with one big creature and give us life, while the Consecrate // Consume side can help us draw more cards and exile to help with Kaya's ultimate (yes, she has an ultimate). The Elderspell is another great addition to the deck as planeswalkers like Nissa, Who Shakes the World and Nicol Bolas, Dragon-God are still rampant. Mortify is just straight up amazing removal,, dealing with a creature or a big enchantment, both popular in Brawl. For board clears we run Kaya's Wrath, Single Combat to annoy our opponents forever, and Planar Cleansing as an emergency restart button to the board.

Death Sentence:

We kill our opponents slowly, painfully, humiliatingly. Bit by bit we shall drain them of their joy of existing. Dawn of Hope and Dreadhorde Invasion are our ways to mantain a steady stream of board presence, as well as giving us some life and card draw in the white enchantment's case. Oath of Kaya is good removal, and a way to disincentivize opponents from hitting our commander. Prison Realm and Conclave Tribunal are good ways of dealing with problematic permanents by sending them to jail. For maximum pain, we have Doom Foretold, which with the amount of permanents we will have hanging around should force our opponents to play an inefficient game. Ethereal Absolution is pretty good at locking our creature strategies, and keeps exiling creatures form the graveyard for Kaya's ult. Finally, we have everyone's vavorite Ravnica Allegiance limited bomb: Ill-Gotten Inheritance. End the fun for everyone in your game, just like that!

The Executioners:

We can't just run all removal, we do need some threats. Luckily, there are plenty of threats that can do both! Bounty Agent is as solid as always in Brawl, being a good removal bear with vigilance. Hanged Executioner gives us flying pecker threats while also giving the option to exile more creatures for Kaya. Murderous Rider is some of the best removal in the game regardless of being a creature, and he truly shines in this deck. Cavalier of Dawn and Cavalier of Night are good ways to remove powerful threats on entering the battlefield, and their on-death effects are highly synergistic with our deck. Kaya, Bane of the Dead is both thematically consistent with the deck and excellent recurring removal in Brawl. Finally, we have the big "I win" planeswalker threat of Liliana, Dreadhorde General, because this deck needs at least some way to pose a significant threat to our opponents.

The Taxes:

Killing our opponent's creatures and hurting them slowly isn't enough to let despair set in completely. We must stop our opponents from taking game actions, doing what they want. WE MUST NOT ALLOW THEM TO PLAY THE GAME

Obey the Law:

These are our super annoying and completely inefficient taxing enchantments. Deafening Silence and Rule of Law completely removes the fun from the game from our opponents and possibly ourselves, forcing both of you to play only one spell a turn. Revenge of Ravens is a hilarious card and a fantastic way to deal with aggressive strategies, as well as further disincentivizing attacks on our planeswalker. Smothering Tithe is here for maximum hatefulness, taxing our opponent on every card they draw or giving us a ton of mana to use.

Tax Collectors:

We need creatures to collect these taxes, and beat our opponent if they refuse to pay.  Starfield Mystic is a way to get all of our annoying enchantments in play earlier., as well as growing if they get removed. Tithe Taker is literally a tax collector, and interferes with our opponent playing on our turn. The Wanderer protects our permanents from damage if necessary, and provides further exile abilities above 4 power. Archon of Absolution acts as a moat to make attacking even more of a pain for our opponent, and Rankle, Master of Pranks will drain our opponents of cards, life, or creatures depending on what's necessary.

The Manabase:

The manabase for this deck took some time to work on. 26 lands feels like a necessity, as do Arcane Signet and Orzhov Locket. Blast Zone provides us with even more removal if necessary, and is a way to remove permanents without using spells, which helps a lot if we have Deafening Silence or Rule of Law in play. Castle Ardenvale allows us to play the long control game, and Castle Locthwain helps us draw cards if things get desperate. Finally, Interplanar Beacon gives us more repeatable life gain through our planeswalkers.

Hope you enjoy this deck, you monsters. Good luck winning, but if you don't, find peace in the knowledge that you made this very unpleasant for your opponent.