Massacre Girl's Presents: "Oops, All Removal!"

Some people say multiplayer Magic is meant to be fun, interactive, and all about having a good time with your friends. They stress the "Gathering" part of MTG, and how these decks are meant to be expressions of who we are as people. Well screw those people, because today we are spiteful hate-filled people who just want to destroy anything our opponents want to do. Our damned commander is a board clear, and we ain't taking no guff today!

I honestly completely forgot this was a legendary creature for the longest time. Massacre Girl is a ridiculous card and I absolutely love it, as if it is used correctly it can be quite a potent board-clear, even if you need to do some quite intense math to get it really going. This deck is about 60% removal, some token and amass synergies to set up for big Massacre Girl turns, and some big finishers to win the game after wasting our opponent's resources. This deck was inspired by some of the classic monoblack control decks I loved in the past, so it's not really that good. It absolutely destroys any creature-centric, token, or aggressive strategies though.

Straight Removal:

This is it, folks: the all-removal deck! Well, not ALL removal, but damn it is the vast majority of what this deck is doing. We run both Disfigure and Dead Weight at the one-mana slot to deal with mana dorks, which is already incredibly hateful. At the two-mana slot we get even dirtier, with Reave Soul to deal with early threats, The Elderspell to kill any planeswalkers we want, Epic Downfall to get extreme value from our mana later on, Legion's End to deal with tokens, Persistent Petitioners, or to just peek at their hand for extra information early on. Finally, we have one Liliana's Triumph as a simple edict effect that could possibly force a discard later on. At three mana we have Plaguecrafter because that card is really annoying, the very powerful Murderous Rider, Ob-Nixilis's Cruelty to shrink some sizeable creatures to exile, and Cry of the Carnarium to deal with early pushes from aggro decks. We run one Price of Fame because it's excellent in Brawl and one Taste of Death because at this point, why not double down on removal the most possible? Finally, Finale of Eternity can help us deal with early aggression or be a huge value play later on in the game.

Disruption:

This deck relies very heavily on removal, and if we are going to be spending so many of our resources to one-for-one our opponents, we need some disruption to stay ahead of our opponent in terms of value. Duress is very useful early on to give us enough information for our later turns as well as getting rid of any early plays that might hurt us. Yarok's Fenlurker and Burglar Rat both force our opponents to give up a card and generate fodder for our commander to clear the board. Toll of the Invasion works similarly, but it gives us the extra information in seeing their hand and the option of choosing which card of theirs has to go. We also run Davriel, Rogue Shadowmage to keep our opponent's hand light, and it might give us a little bit of reach. Rankle, Master of Pranks gives us extra use of our fodder creatures, card draw, and lets us force our opponent to keep discarding.

Board Clutter:

We need to put some stuff on the board, either as early chump-blockers or as ways to get a very powerful ETB off our commander when we play her. Black luckily was given a lot of amass cards in WAR, which help our weird little 'token' strategy out quite a bit. I'd like to start by mentioning Priest of Forgotten Gods, which isn't exactly a card we want to toss away, but it works as a way to use these other useless creatures to make our opponents hate playing Magic. For the actual fodder we have Piper of the Swarm to make us some garbage rats we can destroy and Lazotep Reaver, Dreadhorde Invasion, and Vizier of the Scorpion as our amass creatures that serve as surprisingly decent blockers. Foulmire Knight is a little 1/1 with deathtouch which is nice enough, but his adventure will also help us if we draw him too late in the game. Finally, Ayara, First of Locthwain can help us get more card draw, life gain, and a little bit of reach from these black creatures coming into play.

Finishing it off:

Wait a minute, our opponents aren't just going to concede every game? Unfortunately I've had people actually play the game out against me in topdeck mode, so we have a few cards that can help us possibly close the game out. We have Dread Presence with 19 swamps in this deck as a potential midgame threat that can give us ridiculous value or reach. Doom Whisperer is just a big flampler that can fix our draws, and with 4 swings he can bring our opponent down to 1 health. Cavalier of Night counts as removal, recursion, and just a 4/5 with lifelink to really shut down any chance for our opponent to race us. Ob Nixilis, the Hate-Twisted is a card I will continue to force into black decks, giving us a bit of reach potential by forcing our opponent to draw cards, but mostly we want to use his -2 ability on our own creatures to draw more cards. Finally, Liliana, Dreadhorde General can run away with the game in this deck full of removal, providing board presence, card draw, and the threat of just winning the game.

The Mana:

This deck doesn't run any ramp other than Arcane Signet. This is probably a mistake, but I think it's hilarious to run this much removal. As colorless utility lands we have Blast Zone as an extra removal land because why the hell not, Emergence Zone to help us cast our sorcery-speed removal at instant speed, and Mobilized District for more board presence, which does come in handy in this deck. In terms of black sources we have 18 basic Swamps, one Witch's Cottage, and one Fabled Passage to get more value from our Dread Presence, as well as a Castle Locthwain to keep us drawing cards in case we are in topdeck mode from 1-for-1ing out opponent.

I'd recommend instant-conceding vs. Nicol Bolas, Dragon-Gods decks because they actually have more removal and disruption than us, but if their draw is terrible you can get there. This deck absolutely mops the floor with anything that is even remotely aggressive though.